Miracles Continue!

It has been a while since I've updated...life gets busy here in the hospital believe it or not :).  Lots of visitors, medical personnel, laps to walk, and books to read.  I've been thinking about what to document here for the past couple of days and the same themes keep coming to mind - trials, God's overwhelming presence, faith, prayer, joy and miracles.  I know, a lot of things to touch on in one post, but I'm going to try.  As I had shared a few posts ago, my hospitalization here at City of Hope was supposed to be the toughest part of my battle against cancer yet...and I'd have to say physically it has been tough.  Most of the medications I received prior to coming here, I tolerated pretty well.  My worst side effects were fatigue and headache.  The chemotherapy I have been given in the last week - not so forgiving.  The doses they had to give me to "hit" my bone marrow hard enough were very high.  So yes, the word "trials" comes to mind.  The amazing thing about it though is the light, momentary affliction has been just that...momentary.  Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning (Psalm 30:5).  Every morning I have woken up refreshed and renewed, despite how I may have gone to bed feeling.

And the Lord's overwhelming presence has been felt on a daily basis!  He has brought me to tears several times just because of how gracious He has been to me.  The day of my stem cell transplant (April 3), my nurse practitioner prayed an amazing prayer of protection and love over me.  Her prayer was exactly what I needed.  The medical team has been really good about preparing me for possible side effects and how the "typical" recovery looks for people who undergo this whole process.  What's kind of humorous is they dont tell you everything because they dont want to make you nervous.  Guess you need a balance right?! :).  What's even more humorous is my recovery has been anything but typical.  I have been able to walk about 1 1/2-2 miles a day and not feel tired.  When the nurses and physicians have told me that I'm not gonna want to feel like getting out of bed - I have had more energy than ever.  When I'm not supposed to have an appetite - I'm eating hamburgers and breakfast burritos.  That's why I say miracles continue :).  I've been praying that my recovery would be so miraculous that those looking in could only contribute it to the Lord.

One day I asked God why I had so much energy and felt so good?  He answered, "Isn't that what you've been praying for?"  Through this experience, in the trials, through the faith, in the prayers, the Lord has been consistent to answer loud and clear.  He has taken over my heart and made it impossible for me not to respond out of complete surrender and sacrifice to Him.  Nothing else matters.  Nothing.  God chooses to bless us with His presence and His Glory time and time again.  We may not ever understand our trials this side of heaven - but one thing is clear!  He is here with us and He wants us to pursue him and experience his joy and LOVE.

C.S. Lewis writes in his book The Pursuit of God, "No careless or casual dealings will suffice. Let Him come to God fully determined to be heard. Let him insist that God accept his all, that He take things out of his heart and Himself reign there in power. It may be he wil need to become specific, to name things and people by their names one by one. If he will become drastic enough, he can shorten the time of his travail from years to minutes and enter the good land long before his slower brethren who coddle their feelings and insist upon caution in their dealing with God."