Time and time again...

Everyday when I wake up - although I'm not a morning person by any means - I strive to thank God for another day of life! He has continually provided me with His love, faithfulness, and peace. Even when superficial, negative, or fearful thoughts have entered my mind, He replaces them with thoughts of joy, reassurance, and hope!! He truly provides peace that surpasses all understanding in all circumstances - we just have to take it in! His peace is something that is indescribable unless you have felt it yourself!

Time and time again, He reminds me of Who HE is in the midst of it all. He has blessed me with countless friends, family, coworkers, and a wonderful church family! They are all wonderful people I have the privilege to both rejoice and mourn with!

Last Saturday, my Pastor Britt Merrick and his family lost their 8 year old little girl, Daisy Love, after a 3 1/2 year battle with cancer. It was a long 3 1/2 years for them. She underwent multiple surgeries, many rounds of chemo, and traveled across the world for more promising treatments. It was definitely a journey with peaks and valleys for the family. A journey that brought with it fears, doubts, questions, and pain. But it also brought with it greater faith, greater love, greater joy, and an overwhelming sense of the Lord's peace and presence.  Throughout Daisy's battle, many lives were touched - not only within the Merrick family itself, but all over the world.

Such a beautiful thing, that a sweet, life-loving little girl has the chance to share the love of Christ with thousands. While battling cancer, she would spin the globe and "kiss all the people who [were] praying for [her]."  She even placed a note in the "Wailing Wall" in Israel, praying that she would continue to know God more and people would know God through her family. She also wrote for God to heal those who are ill.  So innocent and selfless. That is the childlike faith the Bible talks about.  She had her times of doubt and her questions about why cancer exists and people have to suffer - but ultimately, she held strong to her belief in Jesus!  Her last words were "That is awesome!"  I'd love to believe that she said that in response to the sight of Heaven and Jesus himself!  She is now running, and playing, and full of joy - AND without any pain!


As I received chemo today, I was able to watch her memorial as it was streamed live.  It was beautiful!  Such a wonderful celebration of life.  Tears still streamed down my face though.  We'll never understand "why" heartbreaking things happen. Why 8 year old little girls die from cancer. Why mothers get hit by cars. Why dads die in battle. There's a lot of "whys" and "what-ifs" that we can ask. And as humans, we tend to ask them.  But wouldn't you agree that these questions dont get us anywhere?  When we lose someone or go through something traumatic - whether its physical, emotional, spiritual, since its all tied together - it can be absolutely devastating!!!  Its almost as if you cannot function - at all!  Or it comes in waves, one day you're fine, the next day you dont even get out of bed...everyone is different.  But above it all - the Lord's presence and comfort are things you can count on! Cling to Him, cling to the ones who love you.  His PEACE in spite of our wavering emotions and broken hearts is consistent.

In the next five weeks or so, it is said that I'll be facing the toughest part of my battle against cancer. I am confident that the Lord is going to continue to surprise me and those around me by supernaturally keeping me from major side effects. I am also confident that He is going to use the medical treatments and procedures to ensure a cure for life!!  He provided a clean PET scan, allowing for the upcoming procedure to happen. Bring it on! :) Now my life on this Earth is but a glimpse of eternity, but I've got a lot of adventures to go on with my Lord (and loved ones). 

Here's the Plan:
-February 23 - Cytoxan (chemotherapy)
-February 24 through March 3 - Daily Neupogen injections to help stimulate my bone marrow to produce millions and millions of stem cells
-March 4 through 6 (approx) - They willl be harvesting my own stem cells at City of Hope (which will then be frozen)
-March 12, 13, or 19 - I will be admitted to City of Hope inpatient to receive high doses of chemotherapy to essentially "reset" my immune system and kill off any stray Hodgkin lymphoma cells that may not have been visible on the PET scan. About 8 days after admission, I will receive my stem cells back through infusion. 

I'll remain in the hospital for about 2-3 weeks total. I can have visitors, I just cant receive flowers, latex balloons, or food that may risk having bacteria in it. Your smiling faces and prayers are all I need (well, I might need your blood and/or platelets if you're willing to donate for me, wink wink).  Just know that if you visit, you might have to take laps with me around the unit or even participate in a music video that my friend Heather Thurston is promoting!!  Haha. 

All I know is. I love life. I love community. I love serving God. I love loving others. I love miracles. I love healing. AND I love the peace, joy, and comfort that the Lord provides when I (we) just want to curl up in a ball and cry. Despite the imperfection and pain that we have in this world, GOD is bigger than it all!

"Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply from the heart. For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God. For 'All people are like grass, all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord endures forever.' And this is the word that was preached to you" - 1 Peter 1:22-25